It Was GREAT While It Lasted..........

Do you know that feeling when your heart breaks?  The one where you can't seem to catch your breath and the tears flow too easily?  That is what I am feeling right now as I write this.  I go back to work the day after tomorrow (I chose not to write this tomorrow as I don't want to spend my last day of maternity leave on the computer) and I am devastated.  I knew this moment would come, but I never in a million years thought it would be this hard.  I am not ready to leave my babies.

I take little solace in the fact that I do feel I truly enjoyed my maternity leave.  I got to spend 3 days a week with Leo alone, and the other 2 days I got Gwen too.  We went to parks, music class, tumbling, the pool (indoor and out), we shopped, we played, we watched movies, we traveled...........the list was endless.  I got to watch as my baby girl grew into being a wonderful big sister and how my newborn baby boy has changed tremendously in 12 weeks.  I am so lucky that I got the opportunity to spend my summer with both kiddos.  I just wish I had more time.  Even today Gwen told me that she didn't want me to go to work because she liked spending time with me because "she loves me".  Yep, the tears came very easily with that comment.

I know I could never be a full time stay at home mom.  I could though work part time and be home with my kids more.  I am afraid I am missing out on so much and will look back with such regret that I wasn't there for them as much as I would like.  Mike and I have talked and want me to go part time in the next couple of years.  I will have to reign in my spending habits but it will all be worth it.  I want to be able to bring my kiddos to school and pick them up afterwards.......no before and after care.  I want to spend some lazy summer days with them.  I want at the end of the day for me to close my eyes and see nothing but their smiles for they got to spend special time with their mom.

Okay, I am crying again.  The wine may not be helping.  I am officially signing off as the "Domestic Goddess".  It's Mike's turn now.  I would give anything to be in his shoes.