An Arrow

An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.  So when life is dragging you back with difficulties. It means that it's going to launch you into something great.  So with hope in your heart, just focus, and keep aiming.

As seen by my lack of posts so far in 2014, it has been a brutal year so far and it is only April.

1.  In March, Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3C1 Endometrial Cancer.  She had a full hysterectomy and they took out her appendix, fatty tissue, 2 tumors, and tested lymph nodes.  The big issue is that 1 out of the 8 lymph nodes tested had microorganisms of cancer.  This means that cancer has entered the lymph system which is directly linked to the blood stream.  It also spread into her fatty tissue within the pelvis.  Her protocol was chemo, radiation,and hormonal therapy.  She does not want to do chemo for quality of life reasons.  Instead I am having her eat more healthy and look into holistic options.  She will hopefully move forward with 5-8 weeks of radiation and 2-4 weeks of internal radiation soon.  I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life.  My mom has been such a stable support person in my life and I hate that she has to go through this.  She is stronger than she will ever know and is surrounded by so many people that love her.  I just want her around as it is FAR too early to lose her, so I hope she fights the fight I know she can.

2.  In March, Mike's job with Facebook got relocated to NY.  He had a high paying job where he worked from home and wasn't all that busy.  I guess all good things must come to an end.  I stress because of the unknown.  How long will he be unemployed?  What will the future look like when he finally has to go into the office?  How will the kids and dog adjust to all the change with him not being around all the time?  How will I adjust to it?   In all honesty, I think this is good for him.  He is networking with tons of people including CEOs.  I haven't seen him so happy and hopeful in years.  I hope something fantastic comes his way.  He deserves it. 

3.  Leo was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EoE).  Something in his environment is causing his esophagus to swell and white blood cells to clump together causing a scabby-type environment.  We have done another round of allergy testing on foods and have another round on the 23rd.  Once we gather all the data, we will work with Dr. Atkins (our allergist) to determine a course of action.   We are learning that Leo is eating for what makes him feel good......mushy foods like Mac/Cheese, spaghetti/meatballs, applesauce, oatmeal.....etc.  I just hate that he has to go through this.  He does it like a champ and all the doctors/nurses love him!!  I keep hope that most kids grow out of their allergies between the ages of 3-4.  I am just going to attempt to hold tight until then, follow doctor's orders, and hope that he grows out of most of his allergies.  I am assuming he will always have EoE since Mike was diagnosed recently too (this would have been #4, but it is the least of my worries these days), but hopefully he can outgrow some of the more severe reactionary foods (peanuts, tree nuts, fish).

Needless to say I have been struggling.  I don't think I have ever felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as I do right now.  I have such strong anxiety attacks that I was given Xanax to control them.  I have been put on another short term medication to take the edge off the constant anxiety I feel.  I am constantly worried about what the "black cloud" holds next.  I also meet with a counselor to talk things out.  I've taken a break as I can't hear "do your imagination exercises" anymore.  I'll imagine my foot right up her ass.  I do try to find the positives in things.   I am surrounded by the best children, husband, family, friends, and co-workers, that anybody can ask for.  

I got this arrow tattoo as a reminder that there will be very trying times in life.  One must remain hopeful that they will get better.  One must make sure that they don't wait on happiness/good times, but try to find the joy/love/happiness in their current lives.  It's easier said than done.  Trust me.  I think in the past few months I have shed more tears and felt more lost than I ever have in my life. 

No More Diapers!!!

One night Leo and I decided to throw out his diapers.  It was very ceremonial as we threw them over the 2nd floor ledge while Leo yelled "NO MORE DIAPERS!!"

He has been doing AMAZING.  He went through a phase where he either pooped his pants or had to poop in a diaper, but now, it's 100% potty!!  Mike has even taught him to stand up to pee (no pics to show as we have to hold his wiener).  That's a lot of fun let me tell you!

He will still wear swim diapers for a bit and sleeps in Pull Ups (we call them sleep underwear).  Other than that, we can call him potty trained!!  Only took around 3 weeks or so.  We were lazy and in no rush, so we really waited until he was ready.  I guess we picked the right time.  Considering everyone told me it would be horrible, I am very pleased at how amazing he did!  Surprisingly I am sad that now my baby is truly a "big boy". 

Happy Easter!

(Yes, Leo is wearing little girl shorts.......check out those white pasty legs.  He was originally in cords, but it was a bit hot.)

Hospital Visit

The other morning I noticed that Leo's breathing seemed shallow.  He had a bit of a cold so I thought nothing of this.  He was sent home from school with a fever, but one never registered at the house.  What we did notice is that he had labored breathing and wheezing.  His chest was caving in and out.  We called the doctor and they immediately had him come in.  After the nebulizer didn't work, he was sent to Children's Hospital Urgent Care.

After being at urgent care for 5 hours, they realized the nebulizer treatments were not working all that great to control his breathing.  They admitted him to the hospital overnight (around 10:00 pm).  Once he had a melt down from exhaustion and passed out, his breathing completely calmed down and turned to normal.  They monitored him all night and only needed a couple steroid treatments.  He slept through all of it which was amazing.  I woke up every time the nurse came in, but I was a worried mom.

Luckily he was always getting good oxygen levels, so that was never a fear.   The biggest challenge was keeping a rambunctious 2.5 year old calm, in the hospital from his 5:30 am wake up until they finally released him at 1:00.  We were a bit annoyed that he was last to be looked at by the doctor.  I was hoping him roaming the halls like a crazy person would help, but not so much!  He's fine now, so they are managing him as he has asthma.  I know he's a bit too young for that, so I look forward to conversations with his allergist.  I personally think a large quantity of mango caused the outbreak.  We will know for sure when he gets more allergy tests on the 23rd.

I am trying to find the silver lining in everything these days, since it has been a rough go.   One silver lining is how my friends rallied around us with Leo's hospital stay.  They took Gwen for an entire day and did an egg hunt, colored eggs, played.....etc.  They even moved the Easter Brunch that was supposed to be at my house, it was moved to another friend's house.  I have been in Colorado for 13 years and the past few months have really shown me that I am home (minus missing my family so much).

Keep little man in your hearts and prayers.  He will be fine.  This next year is critical for his allergies as most kids grow out of them between the ages of 3-4!!

Potty Training

We have been loosely potty training Leo over the past couple of months.  By that I mean we would let him hang out in his underwear once in a while.  He would, without fail, just pee his pants.  Honestly, we were just lazy and dreading the thought of having to potty train a boy (if you can remember, Gwen was potty trained in 1.5 days).

We would go pick him up at daycare and they would constantly tell us how great he was doing with potty training.  They wanted us to do the "boot camp" like we did with Gwen.  Of course between our traveling and social lives, there just wasn't a weekend to do it.  Well we finally did it and he did AMAZING!!  He was no Gwen by any means, but he's been doing great.

A week after the boot camp he is peeing 85% on the potty.  He only has a few accidents and even tells us when he has to go (he used to just yell "I'M PEEING!!").  The issue we have is with pooping.  He poops his pants without question.  We are going through underwear at warp speeds.  Sometimes he'll ask to put on a diaper to poop, sometimes he'll tell us he has to and go on the potty, and sometimes he just poops his pants.  So gross!!

We kind of peer pressured him into doing it.  We would sit around the dinner table talking about how he's such a baby for wearing diapers.  We would talk about how awesome we all were that we got to wear underwear and make him feel left out.  Thinking back, I am glad he'll never remember as I can imagine the therapy session now.  It worked though.  Last night he didn't even want to put on a diaper for bed, so we'll get him "special sleeping underwear"......i.e. Night Time Pull Ups!

So proud of my little man!! 

Deuce

The wine that we made in January was finally finished, so Mike and I headed out to bottle, cork, and label our wine.   It's pleasantly named "Deuce" since we made it on the 2nd date of the 12 dates I preplanned for Christmas, for Mike. 

We had a blast.  It probably did help that we went to brunch first, so I had quite a nice buzz. We also drank wine as we were bottling.  After we bottled it, they put it on magnets to speed up the fermenting process.  This took 30 minutes, so of course we drank wine then too.  The most romantic part came when we had to choose the foil for over the cork (we got to do that too).  Mike chose orange, and then a separate color to drink on our anniversary!!  How sweet is that?!?!?!

We will have our first taste on our anniversary.  Like any wine it gets better with age, so it becomes a "reserve" at 18 months.  It was so much fun.  So glad we did it!! 

A Boy and His Dog