As seen by my lack of posts so far in 2014, it has been a brutal year so far and it is only April.
1. In March, Mom was diagnosed with Stage 3C1 Endometrial Cancer. She had a full hysterectomy and they took out her appendix, fatty tissue, 2 tumors, and tested lymph nodes. The big issue is that 1 out of the 8 lymph nodes tested had microorganisms of cancer. This means that cancer has entered the lymph system which is directly linked to the blood stream. It also spread into her fatty tissue within the pelvis. Her protocol was chemo, radiation,and hormonal therapy. She does not want to do chemo for quality of life reasons. Instead I am having her eat more healthy and look into holistic options. She will hopefully move forward with 5-8 weeks of radiation and 2-4 weeks of internal radiation soon. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my life. My mom has been such a stable support person in my life and I hate that she has to go through this. She is stronger than she will ever know and is surrounded by so many people that love her. I just want her around as it is FAR too early to lose her, so I hope she fights the fight I know she can.
2. In March, Mike's job with Facebook got relocated to NY. He had a high paying job where he worked from home and wasn't all that busy. I guess all good things must come to an end. I stress because of the unknown. How long will he be unemployed? What will the future look like when he finally has to go into the office? How will the kids and dog adjust to all the change with him not being around all the time? How will I adjust to it? In all honesty, I think this is good for him. He is networking with tons of people including CEOs. I haven't seen him so happy and hopeful in years. I hope something fantastic comes his way. He deserves it.
3. Leo was diagnosed with Eosinophilic Esophagitis (EoE). Something in his environment is causing his esophagus to swell and white blood cells to clump together causing a scabby-type environment. We have done another round of allergy testing on foods and have another round on the 23rd. Once we gather all the data, we will work with Dr. Atkins (our allergist) to determine a course of action. We are learning that Leo is eating for what makes him feel good......mushy foods like Mac/Cheese, spaghetti/meatballs, applesauce, oatmeal.....etc. I just hate that he has to go through this. He does it like a champ and all the doctors/nurses love him!! I keep hope that most kids grow out of their allergies between the ages of 3-4. I am just going to attempt to hold tight until then, follow doctor's orders, and hope that he grows out of most of his allergies. I am assuming he will always have EoE since Mike was diagnosed recently too (this would have been #4, but it is the least of my worries these days), but hopefully he can outgrow some of the more severe reactionary foods (peanuts, tree nuts, fish).
Needless to say I have been struggling. I don't think I have ever felt the weight of the world on my shoulders as I do right now. I have such strong anxiety attacks that I was given Xanax to control them. I have been put on another short term medication to take the edge off the constant anxiety I feel. I am constantly worried about what the "black cloud" holds next. I also meet with a counselor to talk things out. I've taken a break as I can't hear "do your imagination exercises" anymore. I'll imagine my foot right up her ass. I do try to find the positives in things. I am surrounded by the best children, husband, family, friends, and co-workers, that anybody can ask for.
I got this arrow tattoo as a reminder that there will be very trying times in life. One must remain hopeful that they will get better. One must make sure that they don't wait on happiness/good times, but try to find the joy/love/happiness in their current lives. It's easier said than done. Trust me. I think in the past few months I have shed more tears and felt more lost than I ever have in my life.
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