Perspective

"Towards the end of a pregnancy, a mother will wake up to go to the bathroom every few hours. I think this is the body’s way of preparing you for a newborn and the sleepless nights that come along with it. Layla now spends most of her days sleeping. 30-45 minutes after she wakes up, she is ready to lay down and sleep again. Is this God’s way of preparing me for all the quiet time that is coming soon? The house is quiet. I am able to go through the motions of laundry, dishes, cooking and picking up without interruptions. But I WANT interruptions. I WANT Layla to be under my feet asking for cookies. I WANT to hear her playing with her toys. I WANT to take 45 minutes to unload the dishwasher because she keeps trying to help. For every time I uttered the words “I just can’t get anything done with these kids under my feet all day” I am eternally regretful. The days that I looked forward to naptime so I could get a grocery list made, or finally fold all the piles of laundry…I regret those days too. If I could do it all again, I’d enjoy EVERY SINGLE WAKING MOMENT I had with her. I would never wish for her to sit still or take a nap or go to bed early. I would never look forward to the days when she could sit through an entire episode of Dora silently. I would treasure every second with her."

This is an excerpt from a blog I read today. It is about a little girl, Layla Grace, who is 2 and about to lose her battle with cancer. Mike asked me why I read this stuff and my reply was "to put things into perspective".

Last week I wrote a long blog entry about how I was devastated that Gwen wasn't walking at 16 months old. How it broke my heart every time I had to bring her places and she was always the oldest/biggest child there, not walking. How I couldn't stand the look in people's eyes when they saw her crawling around or when they asked me "is she walking" and I had to embarrassingly reply "no". How every time I call my parents, they answer the phone with "Gwen is walking!?!", and it almost brings me to tears. I felt as though I always had to explain her to people..........like something is wrong with her. I never published this blog entry because before I hit "publish post" I realized that I was being absurd. Gwen is perfect in every single way. She is smart, funny, and lights up a room just by being in it. There are so many women in this world who would give anything to have a healthy/happy/beautiful child like Gwen..........walking or not. I should feel nothing but happiness and know that I am the fortunate one, because she is in my life.

I can't even imagine the struggle that Layla Grace and her family have endured. This makes me feel so blessed that I am going to be able to watch Gwen grow up into an amazing/strong woman. In the meantime I am going to enjoy her to the fullest. I am going to take pleasure in the small things like her helping me load the dryer, her fake laugh, her sweet kisses, and the smile on her face when we say it is “hot tub time”. I am no longer going to look forward to bed time or nap time, so that I can be alone or get things done. The day that she takes those first steps on her own; I will be her biggest cheerleader and will continue to enjoy her every step of the way.