My How Beach Trips Have Changed.......

My happy place is at the beach in late afternoon.  The sun is low in the sky and people are normally just lounging around or heading home to gear up for the evening.  I most always get to enjoy a Pina Colada at this time.  Sitting on the lounge chair, pina colada in hand, feeling the sun on my face, the wind in my hair, and the sound of the waves singing in my ears.  Well, times have changed.  This time I got to drink my Pina Colada in the public bathroom while my son took a dump.

That sums up my trip with Leo to Fort Lauderdale to see my friend Jen.  I decided to take Leo on my "girls trip" because I had recently come back from Mexico on a true girls trip and felt guilty about doing another one.  Plus Jen is pregnant, so I knew it wouldn't be crazy.

I can easily say it was the best thing I have ever done.  The alone time I got to spend with Leo was amazing!!  An old man approached me at the beach and said "I have been watching you guys for over 2 hours and you have the happiest boy on the beach".  That pretty much summed up the trip.  Leo loved the ocean.........the waves, the sand, the eating ice cream whenever he wanted!  He was king and would go non-stop from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm.  After 2 days Jen and I looked at each other and wondered how we would survive the next couple days at that pace.  Luckily though he did eventually slow down.

He would play in the waves for hours getting pummeled.  He would play in the sand with snot running down his nose and would become "snot monster".  He would immediately come home from the beach and have to swim in the pool.  He swam in his underpants (total highlight) and rode on a boat with a dog.  He played with a dog on wheels, slept with me every night, ate more Mac and Cheese than any human should, karate chopped waves, saw a whale, and never napped.  Not sure how he did it because I was exhausted.

To me this trip helped me gain perspective.  I stood in the ocean and watched him be so free and happy.  At that moment, I felt pure joy.  There was nowhere I would have rather been and nothing on my mind.  Leo still tells me how much he misses Florida.........so do I.  Not just for vacation purposes, but what it represents.  I read a quote that said "My goal is to create a life I don't need a vacation from".............that is exactly what I will do.

Nope

I had such hope walking into Denver Children's Hospital that Leo's allergies were gone.  As seen by the below picture that would be a big fat nope.  I'm anxious to see how the blood tests come back though and figure out why there is a discrepancy with the skin tests.  To be honest it kind of crushed my spirit. I really wanted this for him.  I hate that he is the perfect kid at the doctors.....so brave and amazing.  He should hate it!  He shouldn't look forward to getting his blood drawn.  He shouldn't like being there.


I know that people have it way worse.  I see that first hand when I walk through the hospital.  It's an eerily sad place yet so much hope.  I know I am lucky that all he struggles with are food allergies.  I just don't want my baby to struggle.  Any mom would feel that way.

Isn't that a cute butt crack?

Leo's Breakfast

Leo has been big into "helping" or doing things himself lately.  This morning he wanted to make his own breakfast.  On the menu:  Sunflower butter and jelly sandwich with a side of taco meat.  Yum.

Construction Zone

At the end of our street, in an open space, they are doing some construction.  The kiddos love it (as do all the kids in the neighborhood).  I will comment that it seems like my kids are always in their pajamas..........well they are.  They love being in their jammies and I choose to pick my battles!

Happy Easter!

We had a wonderful Easter!  The kiddos were up pretty early to see if the bunny brought them a basket (he did).  They also ran outside to make sure the jelly beans they planted became lollipops (they did). 

We started out by going to brunch at Second Home.  They have a special room where the kiddos can watch a movie and eat cereal (plus candy).  Gwen had cheerios with M&Ms in it and Leo had a mix of Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms with gummy worms.  Very healthy!  The Easter Bunny was walking around the entire time and they even had a mini-egg hunt (not peanut free).  Mike and I ate far too much..........chicken and waffles/crab cake Benedict and 4 mimosas each......SO GOOD!

After brunch we went to Wash Park.  It was a gorgeous day!!  The kiddos rode bikes.........well Gwen rode her bike.  Leo is not thrilled with having to transition from his tricycle to his Strider bike.  We are actually going to get rid of his tricycle when he is in Florida.  He is sad.  Anyway, we also flew kites, even though it wasn't that windy, and played at the park. 

It was a fun and exhausting day!  Happy Easter everyone!

Families Look Different

I debated for a long time whether or not to write about a serious matter going on with Michael and I.  I finally decided that I needed to write about our separation so that the kids could someday look back and see how much we loved them and the lengths we went through to ensure they have the best possible family.

Mike and I are currently separated.  It's been about a month now, but had been discussed since October 2013, so not a decision we took lightly.  I don't see a world in which I will never love him.  I just don't know in what form that will be.  We parent well together.  We are best friends.  We have a very strong family unit.  Without getting into details, we are and have been missing the physical intimacy/passion for years.  We always thought what we had was enough but I noticed myself starting to get mean to him.  I would snap at him in front of the kids.  I became distracted and just flat out mean.  Not who I am or who I would ever want to be.  I had zero patience with the kids and was physically and emotionally exhausted all the time.  We were both so unhappy and so miserable but just continuing to live this life and watch the years pass by.  It was inevitable that hatred and disdain were next.  I read this great article where a woman asked her father when he knew it was time to separate from her mother.  His response was "when the bad memories outweigh the good memories and when there is something so fundamentally wrong that it spreads through your marriage like a cancer.".  That was us and I knew to save our relationship and our family, that we needed to do this.

It's not easy.  I talked to the kids about how all families look different and ours was going to look different.  They would remain in our house and Mike and I would find alternate living when it was not our parenting time.  Sometimes they would live with mommy (and Leo yelled "Mommy") and sometimes they would live with daddy.   Gwen seemed to understand and listed 4 friends whose parents are either divorced or separated.  The world has changed and now there are no boundaries as to what a family can look like.  Our goal is to ensure the best possible life for our kiddos and I believe that starts with a happy mommy and daddy.

It's going well.  Living like a nomad is brutal, but the kids are happy.  I asked Gwen the other day how she was doing with the situation and she said she was sad that we aren't together all the time, but does find the time we are together as a family, very special.  We both go to their concerts or soccer games and we have done dinner at the house.  I can only see that as being normal no matter what happens.  They are and always will be our #1 priority.

As for me, I'm learning a lot.  I'm learning patience.  I don't yell at the kids as much.  I'm learning to slow down when I am with them and in lieu of doing house stuff, I'll sit and just watch them play or even play with them.  I plan out more activities and feel like I am more fun and have more energy.  I have let go of worrying about small things like trying to get to work at a certain time.  The mornings I have the kids, we have a perfect routine and I focus on positive reinforcement.  Seems to work as Gwen has been amazing lately (not that she wasn't before).  She's so helpful and happy.  I feel like her mood feeds off mine, so she's obviously sensing a change for the positive.

Not sure what will come out of all of this, but in my opinion it will be great either way.  I love my babies and will do whatever it takes to keep them happy and safe.  I love Michael and always will. He is so amazing and deserves to be happy too.

Gwen's Turn For Soccer

Gwen is now part of the "Flamingos".  It's her girls soccer team of which Mike is the assistant coach.  She had her first game yesterday.  She seemed to have had fun.  When she ran (or skipped) down the field she always had a huge smile on her face.  She is really fast, actually a lot faster than the other kids. She spent more time defending the ball than going after it.  She got pretty tired so I joked that I will start making her run on the treadmill to build endurance.  She did great for her first time.  I am really proud of her!